For Douchebags Only (seriously, look at that guy!)

I recently read this article in the Fashion section of the New York Times (April 15th, 2009) about the new popularity of Dutch style bikes. As you all know, I am All About Bike Commuting. Bikes are a great way to get to work for many people. Anything that gets more people on bikes will lead to better health overall and less pollution.
Dutch style bikes have a few distinct features: fenders, chainguards, and a light with a pedal powered generator. Sweet! one might say. These features make it the perfect commuter bike! After all, the Dutch do it, and everyone knows that the Europeans have more refined sensibilities than Americans and they know when something is cool. Like David Hasslehoff. and sandals with socks. and the vengaboys.
These arguments have more holes than an orgy at the playboy mansion. (too crass?) First, for the reasons outlined above, there is no reason to think that the Europeans are inherently more stylish or that their fads are somehow more legit. If you need further proof, click that vengaboys link above.
And while fenders and chainguards are very useful for the urban commuter, the generator light can go and burn in hell. A much simpler LED light is a better way to go. Cheaper, less complicated, and more reliable. The biggest issue is that these things are heavy as hell. NYT seems to think this is okay:

"The heavy frame and the angle of your legs to the pedals make it hard to get up much speed, and the wide handlebars make it a more stately, less agile ride — like driving a 1967 Lincoln Continental. You feel safer, more composed and, well, more grown-up."

This is not really a good thing. Bike commuting in heavy traffic without bike lanes requires quick thinking, quick reflexes, and quick acceleration. If you can't pick up speed quick enough, cars will start to honk at you and swerve past you on your left, increasing the likelihood of traffic accidents all around. You don't need to be Jan Ullrich, you just need a bike that picks up quickly enough that you can get up to speed in a few seconds. A responsive bike is safer for you and everyone else.

I guess it boils down to this: these bikes are expensive (1-2k), slow, and dangerous in heavy traffic. They are bikes made purely for style, but incorrectly packaged as highly practical.

The biggest reason this article makes me angry is the last couple of sentences:

"The rambunctious 8-year-old inside so many bikers doesn’t get traction. In short, you quickly understand why the Dutch don’t wear helmets — just one more style perk to top it all off."

!!!

In my opinion, that is a serious wtf right there.